Chor ka Logic!!!

....Filmy Clicheness, Jo wakai mein chor NAHI hota wo bhi to ye hi bolega Uncle ki "Mai Chor NAHI hun..."

 "Maine Chori Nahi ki..."

 "Chup! Har chor ye hi bolta hai..."

"To jo chor nahi hai wo bhi to wo kya bolega?....Mai Tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hun!!!"

- Mohit Sharma (Trendster / Trendy Baba) 

Meri Bhaang Wali Ice Cream !!!! (Poem, 18+)

Masti mey ye rhyming ki hai hip hop style with naughty punches. Aap sabhi ko ek baar phir se Happy Holi!!! Just for fun...

Meri Bhaang Wali Ice Cream !!!!

Aetbaar karegi to jaanegi….
Labo se lagayegi to baat maanegi…
Dil bolega tring-tring….jo legi tu..
Meri Bhaang waali Ice Cream !!!!

Pila deta hai ye saaki bade auhdo tak ko paani….
Ek to fitting ka salwar-suit tera…
Aur doosra qatil tera dupatta Dhaani…
Ban jaa janeman mere naatiyon ki Nani…
Nikalva degi teri multiple Screams…
Meri Bhaang waali Ice Cream !!!!

Festive season ki chhut mujhe bhunani…
Point Blank range se apni pichkari hai chalani…
Free ki nahi hai ye Ice Cream…teri haath ki ghujiya hai khaani….
Itne nakhre sehat kharab kar denge meri Rani....
Kar degi tera har signal Green...
Meri Bhaang waali Ice Cream !!!!

Uncle nahi hai ghar pe…
Nashe mey apna ghar samajh ke abhi unhe aadhe ghante peeche ke gharo ki kundi hai khatkhatani...
Anyway, phir bhi chhupa di hai maine unki bandook Dunali…
Ab ye teri zimmedari hai…..tumhe sirf Aunty hai sulaani…
Kab samjhogi bada ho gaya hai….teri colony ka Chhota Bheem….le na..
Meri Bhaang waali Ice Cream !!!!

Gum ho jaayegi teri double chin…
Mera Intezaar karegi taare gin-gin…
Phir chahe jab bhi milegi…gaal par haath phira kar bolegi…”How have you been?”
Jamegi apni tagdi tag team…
Bhaang ki kick better than vodka-desi-rum ya jin….
Ghoomayegi muft mey tujhe London se Chin…
Charsi ho gaya tere pehlu ke bin…
Mat kar mera dil tod ke sin…
Jaldi muh mey le…arre, ab to pakad…pighalne lagi hai…
Meri Bhaang Waali Ice Cream !!!!

- Mohit Sharma (Trendy Baba)

Ishq mey Chloroform

Ishq mey Chloroform

-         Mohit Sharma (Trendster / Trendy Baba)

Ronit apne mohalle ki Rinnie naam ki ladki par flat tha. Dono jawan the, ek hi college mey padhte the, hesiyat mey bhi zyada antar nahi tha aur caste bhi ek thi. Matlab jaise kisi marathon runner ne 1-2 kilometers ki lead le li ho runner-up se. Cake Walk! Par Ronit ko baat taalne ki badi aadat thi. Rinnie use dekh kar muskurati thi, hint deti thi aur different prakaar ki mada aakarshan demonstration waali harkaten karti thi par saath engineering k baad  MBA k bhi 2 saal ho gaye to Rinnie ko laga ye banda Lolu-Chand hai. 

Ronit sahi mauke aur build up mey vishvaas rakhta tha. Rinnie k papa Mr. Pralay Pandit festivals mey us colony ki Samiti k swaghoshit sachiv the jabse wo aaye the colony mey. Ronit unko impress karne k liye kuch saalo se festivals par kaafi mehnat kar raha tha jis se Mogambo…..I mean Uncle ji khush bhi huey. Kai seasons mey lagataar aakhri moment par himmat jutane mey fail hone k baad Is baar usne decide kiya ki Diwali ka mauka achchha hai shaadi ki baat direct achchhe mood mey Uncle ji k saamne rakhne ka. Ronit ko 2 din pehle pata chala ki is baar Pandit family 2 shaadi attend karne  Gwalior jaa rahe hai. Ronit ne bina baat k Madhav Rao Sindhiya ji ko kosa kyoki wahi ek naam tha Gwalior se related uske zehan mey. 

Ab baari thi next big festival Holi ki, to Holi waale month mey Ronot k ghar Rinnie ki engagement ka invitation aaya, pata chala ki shaadi bhi April mey  hi hai. Ronit ne April mey paida huey apne ek dost ko ashleel gaaliyan suna kar apna krodh shaant kiya (kyoki April month se related wahi banda pehle dimaag mey aaya Ronit k). 

Orthodox aur andhvishvaadi Pandit ji ka parivaar, Rinnie ko ab kisi ki nazar na lag jaaye isliye bechari duniya se alag total lockdown ki jaa chuki thi. Ronit ne decide kiya ki wo aaj raat hi Rinnie ko manane ki kosish karega chupke se. Ronit rassi, slice ki bottle (pata nahi kyu laya gadha), torch, mask, chloroform (emergency k liye….aur rumaal bhul gaya sunghayega kaise/kisko ye ek sawal tha) lekar bagal k pipe se chadhne laga par lagta hai uspar shani ki dasha chal rahi thi Pipe se girkar wo bagal waale lawn ki ghaas kaatne waali machine par gira.

“AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE…..Mummy!!!”

Usne kisi tarah dard control kiya, kuch serious to nahi hua tha par uska pairon mey mocha a gayi thi, haath-pair chhil bhi gaye the aur Slice ki bottle bhi fat gayit thi. Wo kuch samay tak dard k mare nirjeev pada raha, aesa lag raha tha jaise woe k laash hai bas antar ye tha uske charo taraf khoon ki jagah mango juice faila hua tha. 

Tabhi usko ek aawaz ne instant-sanjivni ki tarah attention mode mey khada kar diya kuch nanoseconds mey.

“Kaun hai wahan? Mai shor machaungi....wait...Utho!”

“Ronit! are you OK? Chot to nahi lagi? Ye sab karne ki kya zaroorat thi. College mey hi bol dete…I like you too. Ye chloroform kyu? Kidnap karoge kya?”

“Naina, wo baat nahi hai….”       

Tabhi Naina ki mummy ki aawaz aayi andar se jo is aur badh rahi thi.

“Ye kaisi aawaz thi kaun hai wahan? Naina Beta kya toota?”

Naina ki mummy ki aawaz se to jaise dono ki mummy si mar gayi.

Naina - “Ab kya Karen? Mummy maar daalengi mujhe…”

Ronit – “Mai cooler ki aad mey chhup jata hun andhere mey…”

Naina – “Tum Mummy ko nahi jaante, aayin hai to sab check karke jayegi poori tassalli se, dekho wo paanch rupaye waali one beam torch leke aa rahi hai.”

Ronit – “Mai chloroform to laya hun par hanky bhool gaya ghar pe, ab kya karun?”

Naina – “Hey Bhagwan…..” 

Tabhi Mummy close in flieder ki tarah agrasar hui aur Ronit cooler ki aad mey hua.

“Kaun tha wahan?”

Naina – “Koi dikha nahi, Maa…ped ki side dekho.”

“Pehle ghar ki side dekhungi…”

Yaani ab Naina ki Mummy ki 'use and throw' torch aur Ronit k beech 10-12 seconds ka antar tha. Naina ki mummy palti aur Naina ne Suresh Raina ki si furti dikhate hue apna duppatta utaara aur mummy ki one beam torch k upar se Ronit ko timely paas kiya jisme chloroform duppatte par lagayi aur beam ko cover karte hue Bombastic fidayin hamla kiya jisme aunty off guard caught hui aur Out hui!

Naina ki baaton aur harkaton ne Ronit ko bataya ki usko Naina kitna chahti hai. Jaate-jaate 2-4 chummiyan exchange hui aur agli Diwali Ronit rishta lekar Naina k ghar pahuncha.

….Samaptam!!!!  

Moral of the Story – Dil jo hai wo beauty se kahin decade zyada durable hota hai on an average to logo k dil ko dekho. Jo tumhe pyaar kare usko apnao, uske peechhe bhaagne se faayda nahi jiski priorities ka tum hissa na ho. 

....aur Trendy Baba k darbaar mey chanda chadhane se manchaha rishta milta hai given aapke chande ka amount chindi-chor type na ho. 

 Pic Courtesy  - Mr. Harjeet Singh Chadha

Pagli Rap (Fiction Comics)

Pagli Rap! Happy Holi Everyone!

Drunk Drivers today are my toys Roly-Poly !!

Perverts stare/touch at your own risk…Ouch! My electric Ghaghra-Choli !!

I know…I look like a cute Barbie-Dolly…but my slams are like Hardcore Holly!!

Have fun, Ghujiyas, play safe make some Tolis…kids stay away from dirty Boli !!

Wish You All a Happy-Prosperous-Holy Holi !!

अधूरी रस्म (Rajan Iqbal Reborn Series)

शुभानन्द कृत राजन-इक़बाल रिबोर्न सिरीज़ # 6 - "कब्र का रहस्य" कि पहली काव्य प्रस्तावना  हाज़िर हूँ। जहाँ एक देशभक्त पिता का साया अपने बेटे से मुखातिब है।

अधूरी रस्म

फ़ासलों कि ज़बानी कह गयी ....
रास्तों कि कहानी कह गयी ...
अरसो वाली ईद कि तैयारी ....चंद पलो मे वीरानी रह गयी ...
मौसम को सजदा करती फसल .....तेरे इंतज़ार मे खड़ी रह गयी।

खुशियाँ साथ बांटने की बात से बरगलाया,
फितरत में झूठ बोलकर उसका दिल बहलाया ....
रह गया ये मलाल बाद तक ....
दीवाना मेरी कब्र पर गुलाल ले आया।

कुछ फकीरों के एहसान रहे मुझपर ...
वतन कि उन गलियों का मेरा क़र्ज़ चुका देना ....
काश बुज़दिली और मजबूरी का फर्क समझाने का वक़्त होता ....
ज़मीन पर पड़े पुराने ख़त उनके पतों पर पहुँचा देना।
अधूरी रहीं वो पुरानी रस्म निभा देना ...

न वो दिखता, ना वो छुपता ...बरसता जब आसमां से पाक रहम ....
भरोसा रख तू ऐ बंदे जल्द साथ देंगे मौसम ...
गिले-शिकवे, दगा-धोखे ....गला देगी हवा वो नम।

सियासतदान तुमसे मेरा अक्स मिलाते होंगे ...
बस मेरे अंजाम से अपना अंजाम मत मिला लेना।
शाम को हाथ मे पिघलने न देना ...
अगर लफ़्ज़ों पर पाबंदी लगे उनकी ....तो मन में दुआ पढना ...
अधूरी रहीं वो पुरानी रस्म निभा देना ...

न जाने कितनी गोलियों पर नाम है तेरे वालिद का ...
अदब से उन सब को अपनी मयान मे सजा लेना।
अधूरी रहीं वो पुरानी रस्म निभा देना ...

मंजिलों के इश्क मे ज़ालिम रास्तों के हाथो,
हजारों शिकार यूँ जो मरते .....
रेगिस्तान मे नादानी से उगे पौधे,
सावन के आने का इशारा नहीं करते .....

अधूरी रहीं वो पुरानी रस्म निभा देना ...
चुड़ैल सी मुझपर चढ़ी वतन की मोहब्बत ...अपनों के प्यार पर इस कदर पड़ी भारी,
मै तो फिर कभी गाँव आ ना सका ....तुम घर वापस ज़रूर लौट जाना।

- Mohit

Not a Potential Rapist!!!

Apne kuch jigri doston (naam nahi likhunga) se khul kar baaten kar pata hun. Halaki, ab Lucknow chhut gaya to ye cheez miss karunga. Unhi khaas dosto mey se ek k saath baitha tha mai last month.

Dost - "Ye heading padh, likha hai...every man is a potential rapist..."

Mohit - "Nahi!!! Maafi sarkaar maafi de do mujhe.....yaar yahan to baksh de TV, Internet, Akhbar, Society...sab jagah blame karoge to kisi din bina crime kiye in blames ka hawala dekar jail mey guilty feel karta hua life kaatunga..."

Dost - "Kaisi Life Inspector Vinay??? Fansi milni chahiye tujhe..."

Mohit - "To tu bhi marega soch lo....ya phir OMG aaj pata chala mera dost mard nahi hai...ha ha ha...medical report k baad jail ka doctor kahega...jaa Shikhandi ji le apni zindagi...."

Dost - "Achchha ek baat bata teri favorite actress, athletes kaun hai....matlab skip a beat...wonder woman type..."

Mohit - "Aajkal to Esha Gupta achchhi lag rahi hai, sports mey Ana Ivanovic...aur bhi hai kuch....kyu?"

Dost - "Achchha imagine kar....tu kahin ka raja hai, tu matlab us desh ka supreme hai tujhe koi darr nahi hai, kuch bhi kar....koi nahi pakadega tujhe...tab tujhe sunsaan sadak par koi Ana Ivanovic ya Esha Gupta jaisi ladki mil jaaye..."

Mohit - "C grade horny movie ka hero bana de mujhe kaminey...."

Dost - "Sun to....khuli chhut hai...koi darr nahi, bandish nahi...kya tu us ladki ka rape karega?"

Mohit - "Nahi...koi chance hi nahi hai."

Dost - "Bhai ko khush karne ko mat bol sach bata....mujhse sach bol sakta hai Bhai...chal tu nashe mey hai...dimaag mannd ho gaya hai kuch der k liye...tab karega uska rape?"

Mai darr gaya ye sochkar, kya karunga mai tab? Kya mai rape kar dunga us ladki ka? Maine pehli baar khud ko kisi aur vyakti k angle se rape karte dekha...us ek second mey hi mai bas kya bataun...hil gaya...

Mohit - "Bhai..maan li teri baaten ki mai raja hun, mujhe koi darr nahi, mai supreme hun, koi saza nahi hone waali mujhe, mera dimaag mand pad gaya hai....par jab wo ladki chillayegi, royegi na to mere haathon ki pakad apne aap dheeli pad jaayegi....aage kuch nahi karega tera bhai....ye antar hota hai mard aur jaanvar mey..."

Dost khush hokar gale lag gaya.

Dost - "Mohit Bhai dil khush kar diya...mai yahi test kar raha tha..."

So, ye hai mera conclusion.....

"Mana India mey 1-2 Australia ki population jitne dooshit mansikta waale purush hai par unke liye 4-5 Russia ki population jitne sahi purusho par gaaj kyu? Kyoki jab laws banti hai to unke ghere mey kai nirdosh bhi pis jaate hai. Ye kaisi victim mentality hai ki doosre group (is case mey gender) k har bande ko criminal bata do. Majority of men would never rape anyone. Men don't just rape people because they feel horny, it's not that basic. Most can resist the lust they have....many men can see what they are doing is wrong. Can I be swayed by my anger and turned into a murderer? Nope. People can't just be "swayed" by emotions and turned into something they weren't already.

Don't trust the secondary info sources to the level that they brainwash you...understand other aspects related to the matter and VERIFY!!!.....Every man has the ability to rape, but so what? If a man has the ability to rape, would you call him a 'potential rapist'? Every woman has the ability to kill a baby, does that mean every woman is a potential child killer? Everyone (except disabled people) has the ability to kill, does that make everyone a potential serial killer?....Every human being has the potential to be anything. Rape is not an act of lust nor is it gender specific. Rape is an act of power and violence. Women rape fellow humans every day. Yes, I mean actual sexual assault kind of rape. Men are just more associated with rape because, as a group, they tend to be more physically violent than women."

- Mohit Sharma (Trendster)